March 18, 2014

The Irony of Spring Cleaning, Why I Was Absent

NJ lake and mountains

Yesterday I said I'd tell you why I've been absent from the blog and keeping to myself, not replying to emails or reaching out in any way. There are a few reasons why, and some I can now talk about, but others not yet able to.

When I had that kicked in the gut feeling back in January, it wouldn't go away.  I tend to dwell on things and examine long and closely sometimes, so I thought this was the reason for me not feeling well.  I was wrong.

To make a longish story short and skip over details- I had a brush with cancer:  had tests, had surgery, and been told it was all removed.  (About four years ago I had the same symptoms, had surgery but no cancer.)

The doctor said I'll need tests again in a few months, biopsy, and see where things stand then.  I got an injury in the hospital and had to have treatment for that- totally unrelated to the cancer! Plus some of the medication made me ill and I had to recover from that.  I guess the universe is sarcastically knocking me about this way.

When surgery was scheduled, I only fell apart for about three quarters of a day, and I think that was due to the uncertainty- what lay ahead.  After that I pulled myself together and faced it calmly, after all, there is no one but myself to rely on***- that's for another post.  If things were not this easy, this "got it all in one surgery" I hope I would still be strong, but I don't know.  I'd do what I had to and keep a stiff upper lip, at least try to.

All in all, knock wood, I am doing well considering that cancer was a surprise visitor, a crummy way to begin the new year.

I'm going to make this a short post and hope to be back soon.  I hope all of you will soon be getting a break from the cold weather (those of us in North America) as I know this will make me feel a lot better.  Throwing off the layers, sweaters, vests, coats, cardigans, long sleeves, and knee highs!  Bring on sandal weather please...    

Thanks for sharing this with me.  I want to apologize for not answering emails or keeping up with Pinterest boards.  I shut down the blog I was not updating and deleted my inactive Twitter account- these were giving me guilt not joy and I need a bit more joy going forward.  I guess you could call it Spring Cleaning all the way around, inside and out.  

***Edited to add:   I was able to pull myself together because I did have Someone to rely on and in my process of getting thoughts and words together I simply didn't say.  Faith.  There's no way I would have kept moving forward on my own.  I had Someone to usher me through the process, to keep me calm, and to see me through it all.  I might feel alone, but I'm not alone.  He's helping me through the trials and the good times, too.  


Magic Love Crow said...

Gloria!! We are here for you my friend! I am so sorry for everything you have been going through! Never apologize for not keeping up with Pinterest boards, or deleting a Twitter account! Your life is more important than those silly things! Just remember, as I said in the beginning, we are here for you!!! Kick that stupid cancer out and stop feeling guilt!! Guilt isn't good for the body!!! Smile and dance ;o) Big Hugs ;o)

Gloria said...

Stacy, You build a powerful message with these words- TY my friend! I am not letting grass grow under my feet, big lesson learned, guilt and stress are miserable houseguests. Here's the door... Hugs back and all the best, Gloria

Craftymoose Crafts said...

You are the third friend in less than a year that has shared this kind of story (about having cancer). I am glad that you know that you are not alone in all of this. You are a brave woman, and it is me, not you, who says thank you for feeling you could share this with me.

This Winter has been especially hard, physically and mentally, on a lot of people. Since Spring is taking its time getting here, I've just decided to put Spring in my heart and a smile on my face and move forward.

Talk to you (email) soon! Hugs!

Gloria said...

Thank you for this message, Debbie. I don't feel brave but understand. Hoping that your friends will have good health in every way... If not for wanting it so much, I would think Spring has taken a permanent detour from here. It's coming!!!

No one should face hardships alone, it's tough, but I hang on. TY and enjoy every day Deb.

Linda said...

Good Morning, All I want for you my friend is to lay back and heal. Nothing is required from you at all...just heal and good things will come your way. Let your friends send you good thoughts and kind messages.

weather is starting to change here. Sun is shinning more but I'm just waiting for the temperature to get warmer so more snow will melt. Spring is coming and there will be an new beginning for us all. Stay well and be safe.

Gloria said...

Linda these words are just the right prescription! Your timing was perfect. Thanks so much and I'm sending out all the good ones right back to the sources and to any and all who need to have some hope and comfort right about now.

It was very cold here today, snow on the way- but we just may squeeze a little warmth in by the end of the week. Fingers crossed. I know the flowering bulbs are too cold to peek through, soon, I hope.