The Irony of Spring Cleaning, Why I Was Absent
Yesterday I said I'd tell you why I've been absent from the blog and keeping to myself, not replying to emails or reaching out in any way. There are a few reasons why, and some I can now talk about, but others not yet able to.
When I had that kicked in the gut feeling back in January, it wouldn't go away. I tend to dwell on things and examine long and closely sometimes, so I thought this was the reason for me not feeling well. I was wrong.
To make a longish story short and skip over details- I had a brush with cancer: had tests, had surgery, and been told it was all removed. (About four years ago I had the same symptoms, had surgery but no cancer.)
The doctor said I'll need tests again in a few months, biopsy, and see where things stand then. I got an injury in the hospital and had to have treatment for that- totally unrelated to the cancer! Plus some of the medication made me ill and I had to recover from that. I guess the universe is sarcastically knocking me about this way.
When surgery was scheduled, I only fell apart for about three quarters of a day, and I think that was due to the uncertainty- what lay ahead. After that I pulled myself together and faced it calmly, after all, there is no one but myself to rely on***- that's for another post. If things were not this easy, this "got it all in one surgery" I hope I would still be strong, but I don't know. I'd do what I had to and keep a stiff upper lip, at least try to.
All in all, knock wood, I am doing well considering that cancer was a surprise visitor, a crummy way to begin the new year.
I'm going to make this a short post and hope to be back soon. I hope all of you will soon be getting a break from the cold weather (those of us in North America) as I know this will make me feel a lot better. Throwing off the layers, sweaters, vests, coats, cardigans, long sleeves, and knee highs! Bring on sandal weather please...
Thanks for sharing this with me. I want to apologize for not answering emails or keeping up with Pinterest boards. I shut down the blog I was not updating and deleted my inactive Twitter account- these were giving me guilt not joy and I need a bit more joy going forward. I guess you could call it Spring Cleaning all the way around, inside and out.
***Edited to add: I was able to pull myself together because I did have Someone to rely on and in my process of getting thoughts and words together I simply didn't say. Faith. There's no way I would have kept moving forward on my own. I had Someone to usher me through the process, to keep me calm, and to see me through it all. I might feel alone, but I'm not alone. He's helping me through the trials and the good times, too.